Paradigm
by TheGoldenSeraphim
Summary: Set one week after OotP's end, not HBP compliant. The world changes beneath Remus Lupin's feet.


Paradigm

He imagined it a million times, a million ways. Day after day, he saw himself walking up the drive, knocking on the door – Petunia would open it and scream for him to leave. He would brush by her and up the stairs, walking straight into Harry's room. Nothing would stop him, nothing would hold him back. There was no fear, no hesitation – just the knowledge – the _wonderful_ knowledge – that he was needed.

The scene would change. He was standing in Grimmauld Place, staring as Harry screamed of the injustice of the world. He would step forward, taking the young boy into his arms. And there, Harry would collapse – weeping as he had never allowed himself to do.

It would change again. He was standing in the entrance hall at Hogwarts, waiting for Harry to come down. The young boy leapt down the last few steps of the grand staircase, happily chattering about his latest accomplishment. And he was smiling.

He saw it a million times, a million ways. Over and over again, he would do Lily and James proud. Over and over again, he would feel Sirius smiling down on them as he continued the Marauders' work, as he took care of their son – the child of not two, but four parents.

Over and over again, he would see himself taking action – doing something, _anything_, to change the way of world. And over and over again, he would sit and he would stare – telling himself that when the time came, he would not hesitate and he would not falter.

He knew well enough not to believe himself. For Remus Lupin knew of every time he had faltered, of every time he had failed.

He would see it, feel his way of thinking changing in his head – and feel as the world changed around him. He knew it would happen soon – he knew something big was coming. The world was going to change beneath his feet, and he would have to change with it or fade away.

Paradigm shift.

Remus Lupin had been wallowing in misery and solitude for so long that he didn't know if he could change.

Shaking his head to clear it, he leaned back against the tree and stared at Harry's bedroom. The silence had been absolute since the beginning of his shift. He didn't know what the boy was doing – he prayed that Harry was asleep, but knew better than hope for that – but he knew what Harry was thinking.

And he didn't know how to change it.

Harry had learned at a young age that he was responsible for the safety of the people around him. It didn't seem to matter to Harry whether the people around him were children or adults. It didn't seem to matter to Harry whether the people around him could take care of themselves or not. What mattered to Harry was that they were in danger, and he blamed himself for it. And Remus Lupin did not know how to change that.

Harry wanted to save everyone – to protect everyone – but who was going to save him?

Someone needed to. And Remus knew better than anyone that standing around and waiting for someone else to act would get nothing done. He would be waiting forever.

Paradigm shift.

The house was silent and still. He stared at it – at its perfectly even gardens, meticulously cared for, at its sparkling windows, at its trim, neatly cut yard. It looked like a perfectly normal house, but it was hell on earth for Harry. He knew that. Yet still he stood there, staring. And waited.

Absently, he wondered if he would be waiting forever.

He wondered if Harry was waiting.

He knew – knew that Lily and James would want someone to save him, knew that Sirius would already have been up that drive – but he still could not bring himself to move.

_You're a coward, Lupin, _he thought darkly.

A glance at his watch told him that his shift was over. Turning on his heel, he tightened the invisibility cloak around himself and took two steps away from the house.

A hoarse scream sounded behind him, and Remus Lupin spun around and ran for the house, blasting down the door with a single spell.

The world changed around him, and he changed with it.


End file.
